This week is an ending for a chapter in my life – I end 10 years as a graphic designer. Next week is the beginning of another. It’s also a new year both on the calendar and for me after my birthday on Thursday.

This post is a little awkward for me. I know, personal blogs are for personal blogging, and that what I’m going to write isn’t something that shouldn’t be written. I’m just not sure where, or how, or what to really write, what the words are for what I’m feeling. I just feel that I’m at the point where I’m ready to get it out.

I have been at the same company for a long time and most of it has been as a graphic designer. On Monday, I start in a new position. Every single thing I will be doing starting Monday and going forward will be completely new.

Now this is a bittersweet change for me. I’ve worked with my teammates from anywhere from 3 months to over 5 years and it was not easy to make the decision to move. In fact, it took me months to even realize that what I was needing was a new window to look out. I didn’t want to leave my friends, I felt that I would be leaving them without someone to confide in, without someone who could take their concerns to our supervisors.

Some of the classes I’ve taken at work are about how to be a good leader and the one thing that’s stuck with me over the past year was learning how to live with integrity. The definitions that we use for integrity is to be true to yourself. If you lie to yourself or lie to others, they will not look up to you, will not believe in you, will not trust you. I realized I was using excuses because I was afraid. I couldn’t tell you exactly what I was afraid of, but that’s what it was – fear.

And to be honest, the fear didn’t go away when I made my decision to find something new to do. Because then, there were interviews, talking with my supervisor, letting my friends know what was going on. It’s been hard. But, I decided that I was ready to live true to myself and my decision, even if it wasn’t easy.My teammates have been really supportive, even though they’re sad about it too. This week is my last week directly working with them and I keep wavering between feeling that they must hate me, or feeling sad because I’ll miss them, but also feeling excited because I’m going to be learning something new.It’s very hard to reconcile the two.

This year, one of my goals – not a resolution because those can be broken – is to be true to who I am, to be honest with myself.

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